What do you do when you’re angry with someone? Do you speak up and try to clear the air or silently seethe? Maybe you’re like me sometimes and keep it alive by reflecting and talking about the situation. This week I was really challenged and stressed from feeling angrier than I had been in a long time. I felt anxious at times for having to grapple with an unresolved and uncomfortable situation. I would prefer to say I take everything in stride, but the truth is, I too need to practice being present, calm and in a positive, empowered state.
I had just spent days packing and cleaning our house so we could return to our cottage after having rented it out for the winter months. I was pretty exhausted because I cleared out a ton of clutter and was gearing up for a long awaited family vacation in our piece of paradise. We had rented our cottage out for the tenth winter and like all the previous years, we felt fortunate to have found lovely tenants with good references. This time, our tenants were a young couple with a dog and two cats. Animal lovers just like us.
Finally, we were on our way, our car packed to the brim with our two kids, two cats and summer stuff. Two hours later, we were ecstatic to pull up to our place and catch a glimpse of the lake behind. Within minutes of settling in, I walked into our kitchen and noticed our place was far from clean. Worse, there was damage on our hardwood floors, soiled carpets, rips in linens….I was livid…more work to be done!
As the list of inconveniences and damages grew, so did my stress level. The expenses exceeded their damage deposit. I couldn’t believe the state of our beautiful place! I felt deflated and discouraged. Days later, we met with our former tenants and, out of respect to them, I’ll just say, we concluded by agreeing to disagree about a few key issues. Petty as this was in the grand scheme of things, I was surprised at my reaction and to see that I was fuming.
I wasted days of our holiday being foolishly consumed and I understood that my anger was holding me captive. I knew I had to snap out of it, and the sooner the better. I understood that when the mind is upset, the body tenses up. When the body is tense there is wasted energy that fatigues and weakens us. This in turn causes us to be less patient or resourceful, more distressed and not so pleasant to be around. This was the cycle in which I found myself swirling.
Something needed to give…I did. I needed to let go and forgive. Fortunately, I knew how. I recognized that these incidences were not intentional on their part and, once I decided to forgive, I did three quick simple things to release the negative thoughts and feelings that I had been creating.
- I grounded myself ( as described in my previous post)
- I located the emotion in my body and imagined dissolving it with a colour
- I breathed in calm and exhaled the stress several times until I felt better.
If you don’t already know of Dr. Emoto and his work, then you will likely find this short video clip fascinating to watch. His work reveals the incredible influence our words and thoughts have on the molecular structure of water which we, in turn, are mostly comprised of.
Even though we are adults, our emotions are not typically as mature or sophisticated as our intellect. Have you noticed? Some people believe that there is a wounded child that lives within all of us. When we feel hurt or upset, it is important to have tools to help clear the emotional charge. Of course, some things are easier to forgive than others and some people are more willing as well. I’m sure we all know someone who has cut off communication with friends or family members for days, months and sometimes years over an incident that could have been resolved over a brief heartfelt discussion.
A renowned healer, Dr. Blakely has worked with pioneering physicians for three decades in both clinical institutions and universities and she has been a leading authority on one of the most powerful methods of forgiveness. In her book Heal Your Life Now, The Alchemy of Forgiveness, she states that, “You don’t forgive others for their sake; you forgive them for your own health and well being. You forgive them so that you can move on with your life and stop reliving the past. Sometimes, the person you need to forgive is yourself.” Even if you think you’ve rationalized an unresolved issue and have your ‘head straight’, as the title of one of her books says, ” Your Body Remembers”, and so does your subconscious mind.
There is another very simple yet powerful technique that is easy to practice and even teach to young kids. It is an ancient Hawaiian practice called the “Hoʻoponopono” A man named Stanley Hew Len, co-authored a book with Joe Vitale called Zero Limits. In a nutshell, the healing is contained in the following declarations.
1. I’m sorry
2. Please forgive me
3. Thank you
4. I love you
I found a song with the words of the Ho’oponoopono on YouTube.
Is there someone in your life you need to forgive? Do it as soon as you are ready, and you don’t need the other person present in order to do so. You will experience less tension, more energy and a deeper sense of peace.
So, how do you handle anger? I love getting feedback and here on my blog, you’ll get commentluv. When you leave a comment, this plugin allows you to leave a link back to your own site.
Until next time,
Ali
